It can be challenging to make friends abroad. You’re already figuring out a new environment, and that can be a lot to deal with without also putting yourself out there to meet new people. Realizing that no experience is the same, I asked some expat bloggers I admire on their experiences making friends abroad. They talk about experiences ranging from making friends as an introvert, to keeping in touch with friends from home, to building their own communities. Have you had similar experiences?
Mara (USA –> Spain)
I’ve been living in Spain for 3 years now, and I think I can finally say that I have a community here. Before I moved, I thought that making friends would be easy, especially because I would always hear about how warm and hospitable Spanish people are. And it’s true, I have gotten to know some very open and interesting people during my time here!
My main struggle with finding long-lasting friendship was getting out of the foreign friend-zone. A LOT of people that I have met during my time here were infatuated by the fact that I am American and that I speak English. They would marvel about how much they adore my country and treat conversation with me as English practice. While I didn’t mind that these people liked my home country, those relationships were short-lived. My Spanish friends come from all different cities, backgrounds, and walks of life, but the biggest commonality between them is that none of them obsess over me being American. They value me for who I am, not where I am from.
During my time abroad, I have made it a huge priority to stay in touch with my friends from back home. Although I am living here long-term, I value those friendships just as much as my friendships here. It does require mutual effort to stay in touch as we are in different time zones and as life gets busy, and I am lucky enough to have some amazing friends who are willing to wake up early or stay up extra late just to catch up with me.
Finding new friends is difficult, but not impossible! My biggest advice would be to put yourself out there. Sign up for events that interest you, join apps and Facebook groups, and don’t be afraid to spark up a conversation with a stranger. If you are shy like me, this might be difficult, but you would be surprised at what could happen when you step out of your comfort zone a bit.
Mara seeks to inform people about life and travel in Spain, as well as the specific experiences that come from living abroad as a woman of color. Check out her blog, Spain in Color, here, and her Instagram here: @spainincolor
Aneesa (South Africa –> Qatar)
Building a community abroad has always been a tricky thing for me- I am not a natural extrovert and events with lots of people make me anxious. Lots of people gave me advice about joining Facebook groups , sporting clubs or social organisations. For a while, I tried these things–like Internations–but the sheer volume of new faces would be overwhelming. Since then I have tried to keep it simple with a few easy techniques:
-Value and lean on your colleagues: The people you work with understand the day to day struggles you may experience with your job, may even live near you, and can offer you advice. Many of my most valued friendships have been with colleagues who turned into friends!
-Use social media to meet new people: Instagram is a great tool for this and one of the ways I have met quite a few people. When I lived in Kuwait, it was tough to meet people outside of my work environment. So I searched hashtags on Instagram like, #Kuwaitexpat and #Kuwaitblogger. I followed those people, engaged with their content and later reached out to them to meet! They later introduced me to their friends and so my network grew. Interacting with people on social media is probably the number one way I met people who turned into lifelong friends!
-Accept invitations in the first few months of moving to a new place: While it’s tempting to want to be alone to process a new move, I find that putting yourself out there in the first few months helps you to become more familiar with a place and makes you feel more ‘at home’. So if I am invited out by colleagues, neighbours or people on social media, I go. It doesn’t matter if the people you interact with in the beginning don’t end up being your lifelong friends. Just meeting new people can help you gain a better understanding of the place you have moved to– which helps to ease the transition.
If you are an introvert, remember that you don’t have to change in order to meet new people. You simply have to change the way you meet new people to reflect what you are comfortable with!
Aneesa teaches English in Qatar (her 5th country!) and writes travel guides as well as unflinching accounts of the challenges of moving abroad and the social justice issues that surround the industry. Find all this and more on her blog, Expat Panda, and find here Instagram here: @expatpanda
Starr (USA —> Budapest, Hungary)
Before I moved to Budapest I googled “Black In Budapest” and I found fetish sites. Let’s just say I was shocked.
I started my blog, Black Girl In Budapest, in 2017 as a way to journal my experience and share it with other travelers and future expats.
Once I moved to Budapest, I quickly realized that Hungarians use Facebook events as a way to build community. The hardest part for people is showing up. So if you say you’re going to an event, you must show up. You owe it to yourself to just do that. I was able to connect with people on various fronts and help grow my friend group and acquaintances.
As a Black woman living in Hungary, I also make it a point to wave, nod, or even go up to any other person of color on the street and introduce myself. I’ve met so many great people this way. I’ve also met a ton of people who were looking for a community too, and they are always grateful that I could help in any way.
The Black Girl In Budapest Group is made up of people from all over the world. We are able to lean on each other in various ways. We can ask questions about hair products, shopping tips, and so much more.
I’m a girls girl, and I still make it a point to reach out to old friends on a monthly bases. I love keeping in touch and social media makes that easy!
Starr writes about expat life and the process of relocating in Budapest. Starr runs Black Girl in Budapest meetups, creating community and opportunites for connection. Find out more on her blog and her Instagram: @blackgirlinbudapest
Alexis (USA –> England, UK)
I’m really fortunate that I moved abroad to live in my husband’s home country and near his family in England. I already had my community “base” but, of course, you need to have some contact outside of your partner and in-laws. 😉
Facebook groups have been an amazing resource to connect with others in my situation. Before I moved I became a part of a specific USA to UK spousal visa group, which allowed my husband and I to feel confident enough to submit our application without the use of a lawyer.
I’ve also joined groups for expats as a whole, those with shared interests, and those with similar mental health issues. It’s been a way to meet people I can relate to in a way other social media platforms don’t really offer.
Ironically though, my best friend (whom I met in the workplace) is also another American! Everyone at our office couldn’t wait to matchmake the only two Americans on the team, let alone the building. Thankfully we love each other! (She’s also a brilliant photographer – shameless plug for my girl @lamdperettiphoto).
Hiking in Wales 
At a spooky abbey
Moving abroad can be a very isolating experience. While it’s good to stay in touch with the friends from home, it can be harder to relate to each other as time goes on. When looking for new friends, always start with the energy people give off! You don’t need negativity in your life, especially after you’ve made such a drastic change in your life.
Alexis writes about the technicalities of navigating the visa process in the UK, as well as life abroad! Check out more on her blog, here, or her Insta: @alexis_americanabroad
It can be intimidating to make friends abroad. Putting yourself out there over and over can almost be as exhausting as being lonely. But soon enough you’ll find that there are new friends to be made, and you can start building your new community! How do you make friends abroad?
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